All this staying at home (and watching episode after episode of Grand Designs) got me thinking about the amazing houses from movies that I’ve always loved and wished I could move into. Does anyone else get fictional house envy?

The home I think the most is Bag End from Lord of the Rings. Even Tolkien’s description of it sounds lovely:

 

 

Comfort? Lots of pantries?? Whole rooms devoted to clothes??? Kitchens with an s???? Yes, please! He doesn’t outright say it, but I choose to believe that Bag End also has a room dedicated to a dry sauna, and another that’s just like a traditional Japanese onsen. Surely this is accurate.

The chief inhabitant is of course Bilbo Baggins, and Bag End isn’t necessarily the norm for hobbit homes. It’s perched on top of a hill to command some impressive views, and is described as being particularly large and luxurious. It helps that Bilbo was already “well-to-do” even before the incident with the dragon that left him immeasurably rich.

Aside from not having modern conveniences like electricity or evidence of indoor plumbing, and it being made for little folk whose heights rarely exceeded four-foot-four, this house is the stuff of Max Comfort Dreams. Let’s take a tour, shall we?

Exterior:

Even for a house that from the outside is 98% hill, that is impressive. It’s set up higher from the road so you don’t get pestered by pony-and-cart traffic, and as an additional buffer, there is that spacious front yard / garden. There’s a massive tree growing out of the top too, which I imagine has delicious apples in the autumn or some other wonderful thing a hobbit can snack on between breakfast and second breakfast.

 

Once you’re on the doorstep, you turn around and this is the view: the huge, sweeping countryside of The Shire with a perfect unspoiled field where you can host a giant party for your own birthday. (Excuse the sudden change in time of day, but we only get the full pan in the evening scenes.)

I have lived in one place in my entire life with a view that wasn’t of the complex next door or an alleyway — an apartment in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle where my top-floor corner unit had windows overlooking both Lake Union and the Space Needle. Until watching some magnificent sunsets unspoiled by neighboring buildings, I never understood the value of a truly fantastic view. It does add something that cannot be replicated elsewhere — and here, Bag End has one that you cannot get unless your home were perched in that exact hilltop spot.

 

And what better place to admire the view than that adorable little bench on the left? In fact, that’s exactly where Gandalf and Bilbo are sitting in the previous photo! I also love the sweet touches of the meadow-like flowers and grasses, and that birdhouse on a tall pole. And of course, the famous round door with the knob exactly in the middle. I imagine the doorknob does not latch the way ours do, otherwise that’d be one veeeery long deadlatch.

The exterior of Bag End is built into a real hillside in Matamata, New Zealand. You can even visit it now! at some indeterminable point in the future! All those flowers, bushes, and grasses were planted months before filming, letting them settle into the landscape and achieve that “lived in” look.

 

Interior:

The foyer leads into this sitting room. The walls and ceiling are a soothing cream color, and the contrast with the wooden trim reminds me of fancy old suitcases. Bilbo’s house just looks cozy. The curved passageways, round windows, and sloping roof feels comforting, almost womb-like; it’s like the house is giving you a hug. Here’s another look at that amazing ceiling:

 

Fun fact: The portraits above the fireplace that you can see to the left here? Supposedly it’s of Bilbo’s parents or some other close family member, but the models were director Peter Jackson and screenwriter Fran Walsh.

 

A closer look at the desk in the sitting room. Bilbo isn’t the tidiest person, but it all works in this setting. You know, vs clutter in one of those sleek, ultra-modern, white-walled, cube-shaped houses.

I also appreciate the extra attention the set designer took here with the smoke stain above the wall sconce.

 

I included this photo just to point out the paneling in the tunnel-like hallways inside Bag End.

 

We briefly get a glimpse into what is either one of those rooms entirely devoted to clothes or a bedroom. Frodo here is grabbing clothing or blankets or whatever out of the armoire, and I have to wonder if hobbits have hangers or if they just fold everything into armoires and chests.

Side note: the gauzy curtains around that round window are very cute. Maybe it softens the light just enough to make anything you wear look super flattering.

 

Tolkien mentioned cellars, and this is likely one of them as seen in The Hobbit: The Original Hobbiting. There are barrels — of ale or wine? — on the ground, and the ceiling to me suggests that maybe this room is kept cooler than the rest of the house, like a natural wine cellar? But better than the booze room is the larder…

 

Take a peep at that. It is massive. All of the shelves are full, and the next few shots from this scene show dwarves pulling out like three wheels of cheese, bowls of pickles and tomatoes, an entire roast chicken???, and so much more. Enough to produce this spread:

 

And this is the inventory when Bilbo didn’t even know he was going to host a gathering. He just happened to have, on like a regular Tuesday evening, enough food to feed 13 random dwarves and a wizard.

Meanwhile I don’t go grocery shopping for like a week and am dealing with trying to scrape a meal together for two people with just a bunch of rice and some old onion tops. Yes, grocery shopping in the time of COVID-19 has been interesting.

 

Larder again, Plundered Edition. I would also be heartbroken. How long and how many trips would it take to replenish all of this? I’m surprised even the massive bundles of dried herbs weren’t grabbed down to be gnawed on or burned in a mass cleansing ceremony.

 

Before the chaos of the dwarves showed us where Bilbo keeps his ingredients for elevenses, luncheon, and afternoon tea live, we do see him sitting down for a normal dinner (or pre-dinner, or maybe even his third dinner, it’s impossible to say which).

The kitchen adjoins the sitting room we saw earlier, and it seems this is where Bilbo dines for the most part unless he is hosting a particularly large party, like he does in The Hobbit: Hobbit Strong. These are also the only shots of Bilbo’s actual cook top, which seems to be right in the hearth.

 

Another view of the kitchen during the day. The actual cooking space seems to be tight, but this might just be one of the cozier of the multiple kitchens within this home. It’s really too bad we never see another — Bilbo is described as having baked some cakes, so I have to imagine there is another kitchen full of baking tools. He seems like a bundt cake kind of fellow, so maybe even a wall of bundt tins.

At least here in his “casual kitchen,” you can see a few basic pots and pans hanging on the wall, and a bag of carrots pouring onto the ground. I do love how light and airy this space looks, even with it being buried into a hillside. The porthole-like windows bring in much-needed outside light — though I suspect a lighting rig or two lended a hand as well.

 

Quickfire:

The doorbell is an actual bell by the door! I know this isn’t that weird because that was how doorbells used to work, but I still love it. I don’t think we ever see the actual doorbell pull outside, though.

The stone tiles here look wonderfully worn down by the years, and you can just tell they’d be soft underfoot. Also, the giant pinecone on the stool is a fascinating decor decision.

 

This dwarf is ridiculous. I loved Lord of the Rings, I did not love The Hobbit Trilogy: Return of the Hobbit Menace. But, Bag End still looked beautiful and Martin Freeman was an incredible Young Bilbo. But what I want to focus on here is the rolling tea cart. I like to imagine that with so many rooms, you very well could make use of a tea cart: fill the kettle in the kitchen, plonk the hot water on your cart, and trundle it to wherever you’d like to relax that afternoon. It works out for tea cart purposes that Bag End is all on the same level so there are no stairs to navigate.

 

Here’s a better look at the rug pattern in the sitting room. It reminds me of Swedish folk art, though maybe the colors aren’t quite right for that exact comparison. This movie employed craftsmen to forge actual swords and make actual chainmail (albeit out of lightweight materials) so I wonder if they had someone loom an entire rug too?

 

The most appealing aspect of Bag End is how comfortable and friendly it seems. Some of that comes from the actual architecture, like the curved ceiling and the rounded halls and windows. Another element is from the set dressing, with all the knick knacks and lit fireplaces and seemingly hundreds of candles (how does Bilbo light all of those every night?).

But most of all, I think it’s how lived-in the home feels. The walls look softened like the handle of a favorite walking stick, and there are smudges and stains that are inevitable when you’ve lived in a place for so long. It has seen a lot of love and care, because despite the relatable clutter and aforementioned smudges and stains, it isn’t dirty by any means. After all, Bag End is a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.